I played hockey against FBI Director Kash PatelI thought we had the newly-sworn in FBI Boss beat, until disaster struck...
This weekend at an undisclosed location I played in a men's league hockey game against FBI Director Kash Patel. His squad, a scrappy bunch who play hard on the puck and make up in grit for what they lack in flash, went down 3-0 in the first period. Not only did I have nothing to do with any of the three goals that my team scored, I also violated the ice-age hockey credo: One shall not count certain victory in the first period of a hockey game, which is won and lost by momentum and teamwork more than individual skill. I thought that because we were winning, we would continue to win. We did not. "We're gonna shitpump America's Chief Law-Enforcement Officer, boys!" I confidently exclaimed from the bench. My team may or may not be named the Narcs (short for narcotics agent) and I may or may not be player #420, who provided the rinkside intelligence for this report. Through a series of doorstep rebounds and crease battles, the Director and his team rallied back and evened the score with the alleged Narcs at 3-3. At one point during this rally, the Director blocked a shot with a hard chop that broke the stick of one of our best players. One of our snipers nicknamed Joose ripped a snapper and made it 4-3. But the FBI Director’s squad scored a hard-fought, bang-bang goal 30 seconds later. It was 4-4 in the third and final period. Then the Director and his team popped in another rebounder, taking the lead for the first time that night. Then another gritty goal; it was 6-4. Finally their team scored an empty netter to finish the job, a 7-4 loss for me and my team. Now, a brief word from our sponsor (piece continues below) A Message from Dr. Ron Paul... "Do This One Thing BEFORE Trump's First 100 Days End!"
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Monday, February 24, 2025
I played hockey against FBI Director Kash Patel
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